


tell me why

by junhuixeveryone



Series: without you, i'm nothing [1]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-25
Updated: 2016-09-25
Packaged: 2018-08-17 05:31:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8132245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/junhuixeveryone/pseuds/junhuixeveryone
Summary: "you never know how much something means to you until it's gone."
jihoon hated that this suited his situation so much.





	

jihoon didn't see this coming; nobody did. but it had happened anyway. they woke up to go out and discover junhui's body slumped over, looking dead- wait no, he was dead. jihoon wondered why junhui would do that to himself. jihoon moves back into the apartment, so slowly and sluggishly. he throws himself into the wall of their shared apartment, not caring about the ringing that can be felt all over his body. he lets his body fall down against the wall; he lets himself slump over just like how they discovered junhui. there's liquid pouring out of jihoon's eyes, which makes him think of junhui all too much for it to be good.

("why are you crying junhui?" jihoon says while coming into the elder's room to borrow a pencil. "i'm not crying, it's eye sweat." junhui says sarcastically, then lightly giggles while enjoying the sounds of jihoon's laugh.)

he punches the wall, not earning him worry from junhui but some from soonyoung and wonwoo instead.

("jihoon? did you just punch the wall again? are you frustrated? can i help you?" junhui asks, not fazed by the action, but wondering what had happened to trigger it. (junhui was an expressive person, jihoon could tell these details just from his voice) junhui does this while coming out of his room and into the living room. jihoon's a bit overwhelmed by all of the questions, and he's not sure what to answer. (even though he knows junhui must know it's for the regular reasons) "just sit here. you can let it all out, i'll listen." junhui says softly, patting their living room couch's cushion to tell jihoon to come over.)

jihoon hears the door opening, and he put all of his power into wishing that it was just wind; that he could be left alone with his own thoughts. of course that can't happen, he thinks while looking up at the approaching soonyoung and wonwoo. "jihoon, are you okay?" soonyoung says while continuing to tap the table that stands in front of jihoon.

("let's get this table! it's almost as if it's the same size as jihoon!" junhui says, eyes big while pointing to a pretty polished wood table. "it is not the same size as me!" jihoon scoffs while glaring at junhui. "you're right, you're shorter than it!" soonyoung yells out as if he made a great discovery. "i'm definitely taller than it!" the shortest almost yells with his fingers grasping onto each other tight while making a fist. he feels as he's been lifted to become the tallest person ever, and wished it was true. it takes him 3 blinks to realize that it had only just had been because junhui had just picked him up off the floor. (it looked almost like jihoon was piggybacking junhui of his own accord, but jihoon wouldn't care and just enjoy all the views he could get from up here and the warmth was an extra reward) "now he's definitely taller than the table, but when he's alone.. well you know." junhui says this while trying to whisper, but jihoon has adapt ears and he can easily hear it. that one comment leads jihoon to keep hitting him, and they end up making enough trouble that the employees forced them buy what they wanted and never come back. (junhui somehow convinced them to take the table, even though nobody remembered how.))

"jihoon, are you okay?" soonyoung repeats the question for what seems like the 1010th time.

"yes, i'm totally okay even though he passed away." jihoon's voice is bathing in his own favourite scent, sarcasm. jihoon tries to avoid the one word; suicide as all it can do is remind him that their own positivity-boy wasn't even happy enough to continue on with life even though he always acted so cheerfully.

("jihoon~ let's watch something together!" junhui says, rubbing his head against the other's shoulder. "i have work," jihoon says in a heartless tone while looking at the computer screen. "i can't waste my time right now. can't you just go bother soonyoung and wonwoo instead?" "i already spent time with them today.." junhui said, starting to pout at jihoon who didn't see it as his eyes were only looking straight ahead at the bright computer screen in front of him. "what about the others?" jihoon says, just hoping to be able to work. "i already bugged them today too.. you're the only one i haven't spent time with today, please jihoon?" junhui looks genuinely sad while talking, which is also the one-time jihoon looked at him during all of this. "fine, but something shorter. like just walking around since i guess i could use some fresh air." jihoon sighs while talking as if he dreads the idea, but can't stop himself from breaking into a grin after seeing how junhui's face lit up at the idea.)

jihoon feels sad now knowing that he had been so stubborn on junhui's last day. oh, how he wished he could still feel the elder's comforting aura surrounding him, he wished he could still see junhui's pretty eyes and beautiful smile. he was gone, though, and no amount of wishing could change that.

("jihoon? wake up, you have a class soon." junhui whispers while leaning near the others ear. jihoon opens his eyes only to see junhui's bright smile and large eyes in front of his own face. they were so pretty. instead of moving, jihoon just marvels at the sight of the shine in junhui's eyes and he looks lower. junhui's lips were thick and beautiful, he wanted to kiss him right there. but how could he? he was a coward and still hasn't confessed his love to the other. "jihoon?" junhui says, eyes even wider while waving his hands in front of the younger's face. "move so I can get out.." jihoon mumbles, trying to go away from junhui before he actually kissed the guy.)

it makes jihoon even more sad as he realizes, he never had got a chance to tell junhui just how much he meant to him. "jihoon?" wonwoo says, waving his hand in front of jihoon's face. it reminds him of the scene again, and jihoon wishes he had just been courageous and kissed the other.

“how.. are you guys still happy after that?” jihoon asks slowly while bringing his legs towards him even more by pulling his hand backwards. 

“who said we were happy? we just aren't moping around all day. i have a feeling that junhui wanted us to continue on, just be like normal. pretty much, the opposite of what this is right now.” soonyoung tells jihoon this in a soft voice, but still very close to saying it matter of factly. wonwoo looks at jihoon with sincerely concerned eyes, it definitely wasn't a normal thing to see jihoon this weak. having your best friend who seemed completely full of cheer earlier commit suicide while you are sleeping wasn't a normal thing either, so wonwoo could understand it, but it's junhui. junhui would've wanted them to continue their life's normally, to pretend if he was never there, and to forget him. wonwoo wasn't going to let the last one happen, he definitely knew jihoon wouldn't and soonyoung too. (he would probably set up a whole thing to preserve their memories with junhui, soonyoung enjoyed being extra like that)

jihoon's look seemed pained, hurt, and sad. soonyoung wished to just be able to say that it's alright, but he wouldn't want to be a liar. it's definitely not alright, especially for the youngest. he always had an idea that junhui meant much more to jihoon than he let on. soonyoung guesses it's because of the fact that unlike himself and wonwoo, junhui's always been there throughout jihoon's highs and lows, supporting him and giving jihoon someone to fall on if anything happened. it was hard to remember that someone like jihoon needed that backup, given how much he acts like he wants to be alone and shut off from everyone else. soonyoung felt bad. for jihoon, but also for junhui. what was so horrible that he couldn't share it with the others and suicided?

jihoon felt utterly, horribly, painful. it was as if the sadness was in him and was pouring out of every part of himself. he was stupid, wasn't he? he couldn't even realize that junhui didn't feel as happy recently, due to his stupid work. he feels so annoyed at himself, he removed himself from jun just for his assignments. who cares about those assignments anymore? jihoon would start hitting himself for being so dumb, but soonyoung and wonwoo are infront of him and he know that he's making them worry. he'd rather not have them do that, anyways the last person who genuinely cared, and worried for him died. jihoon tries to look away from them, but everywhere he looks to he can only see jun who he loved so, so much. all the memories come into his mind at once, and his tears come out once again. the only thing left in his head is to junhui, even though dead people can't reply (or hear the things meant for them). “junhui, why would you do this to yourself? why would you do this to us? you know very well that i can't forget you, and all i’ll do now is remember your scent around me. just please, tell me why.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Please comment feedback! I'm going to stop writing mindless angst (hopefully), and also if I need a beta so if someone is willing to be my beta I'll be very happy! This is the 50th work in the junhoon tag, yay! (Unless my device was lying to me)


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